There has been many a crazy a night staying in the hostel, some nights just go too far to blog about, some are just too shameful, some end in homo erotic wrestling and disrespect from Chinese fuckers (what a night that was) and sometimes Paul Campbell gets bottles of whiskey, we drink far too much, far too quickly and end up terrorizing people all night. This is never planned, it just kinda happens......
This Saturday was no different in that aspect, Paul had informed everyone that his plan for the day was "to get a bottle of whiskey, sit in the tv room from 2pm and get absolutely fucking steamin'". He certainly stayed true to hos word. I had no plans to drink and the weekend coincided with that of Big Day Out Festival so not only the city was jammed but the hostel was brimming with Aussies, something i'd not seen before. Skinner and I were outside and got cracking onto a couple of girls from Melbourne whom were going to the festival but were rather keen to hit the cross for drinks afterward with us, never a bad thing. The highlights fom the previous day at the festival were on the box so we parked ourselves in the tv room for the afternoon, the setup didn't quite compare to the festivals back home but Lily Allens voice live did pleasantly surprise me while Dizzee Rascal doing bonkers looked perfectly insane, i'd have been in my element. Next thing you know though Paul has swindled me as usual into being his drinking partner for the day and the whiskey is going down. Lee and Amy are on it too with a case of cans so i'm sure a few of them came our way too. Far too soon Paul's off for another bottle, i've added goon to the events and we're all getting a bit too loud for some.
We decided to head to The Gaff since that's what usually happens when drunk, to get the wristband for free drinks all night we needed to get at least ten people to come with us, oh and i must add at this point i had no clean clothes due to them being in the laundrette for a day. That didn't seem an issue at the time though. The second bottle went down faster than the first and the terrorizing began, our politely "asking" people if they'd enjoy a night out with us was actually us shouting " ARE YOU COMING TO THE FUCKING GAFF?" at every single person who walked into the room while we sat in the corner surrounded by booze. I must say if it was my first day in the hostel and i walked into us i'd have been rather intimidated. Actually i had become one of the people i wrote about in November on my arrival. Oh dear.
The rest of the night is a mixture of blackouts and blurs really. The last thing I clearly remember was Paul's brother Owen informing us that we were crazy.....this is from i guy who gets so drunk he puts boxes on his head, shouts "I'm Ned Kelly" and bulldozes everything in sight. That can't be a good sign right? I also remember saying the clothes situation had to be adressed; Paul came up with a quick solution to that one whic i daren't have done sober. Since Andrew was away for the weekend we decided i should just take his clothes for the night, Paul was more enthusiastic and casually ripped off the tags from his Brand New purchases and i stook them on. It's a very odd feeling actually wearing someone else's clothes, i didn't feel quite myself and it was an odd image in the mirror. My next memories are being on the bus talking shit to kiwi while Louise and Marie looked on in fear, then Paul's getting me a drink at the bar, then we're on the dancefloor and then i'm back home wondering what happened. That's all i could recall but unfortunately the blanks would be filled in soon enough and they were pretty bad. Probably the most horrible i've ever been including the night at the Head of Steam where i kept knocking the djs decks over and couldn't actually hold my own weight up. Bad times.
Before i got filled in on all that though i manged to create more havoc while waiting for people to come back. I got chatting to a guy from Leeds called Joe and asked if i could borrow a light off him, he asked if i was going for a smoke and i sarcastically replied "No' i'm going to burn my arm". He thought i was just being cocky but soon changed his mind when that's exactly what i started doing. Idiot. I then dropped his lighter down ignorant as possible just like Depp does to the midget in Fear and Loathing then walked off before Skinner returned to tell me of my infinite shame.
I justify my actions to myself through denial. I genuinely couldn't remember the stuff one hour after doing it which proved very confusing to me and i guess to me it never really happened. If only that were true.....firstly it seems me and Paul decided to do a "round up" of the hostel to get people out. What actually happened was we barged into every single room in the hostel with me going first. I apparently was incredibly rude and aggressive shouting "Coming to the fucking gaff like" then acting like a big baby if they refused, throwing a strop, telling them to fuck off and all the rest. Oh dear again. As if i wasn't bad enough by myself Paul would follow in speaking in his inaudible Irish accent and freaking them out more, then Skinner would be left to apologize profusely on our behalf. This went on for 45 minutes and i have zero memory of any of it. The worst treatment seemed reserved for 2E, apparently (that word is creeping up a lot) i found a guitar and threatened to smash it up unless they came, thankfully i wa so out of it that when i lifted it up over my head Louise grabbed it and i nearly fell over. I then threatened to kick their bags of food all over and when someone said it wasn't theirs i kicked it as if i was going for a field goal winning kick in the Superbowl sending it flying everywhere. What a prick. A great first impression to make on Troy and Ben i must say. The bus drive was just as bad, firstly i annoyed Becks with my "you erd love" catchphrase, that always goes down well and then told Marie and Louise i hated them cause they always say bad things. Idiot. In the gaff went up to marie shouting "MAAARRRIIIIEEEE" then proceeded to pour a drink over her. Then me and Paul were the only people downstairs but we still went mental on the dancefloor with me lifting him on the stage and then i got thrown out after about 20 minutes. Shocking scenes. Oh and how could i forget when leaving the hostel to the tune of "Let's go fucking mental" I picked up a chair and was about to throw it through reception before Brado asked what i was doing. I just put my hand up and daid no bother mate then carried on. I probably shouldn't admit to these things but they do happen and it can't be all nice nice. That wouldn't be painting the right picture of myself, i have been very well behaved since though.
Australia day did bring more madness though. The hostel had switched owners and the first thing they did was put on a free bbq at the empire for us. We drank goon and then headed over, to say it was a shambles was an understatement and we seemed to be around there for ages before getting food. They did set the precedent for trying to get into every girls pants with the ladies first rule that led me to shout " It's not the fucking Titanic you know", Australia is rather behind on equality though. Skinner didn't get much luck with the food though, i think he went up 3 times to be told there was more coming then when he got there none was and this repeated through the night. We eventually left thim there until he got back about half an hour after with a plate full of sausages as he was definitely getting something despite being absolutely livid. We then headed over to the sugarmill for free jugs and we seemed to acquire others too, Skinner disappeared into the vip room which i knew would be a bad thing and he ended up blowing 150 dollars despite being skint. With it being Australia Day there was a special Teenage Kicks on at world bar, shame about the 15 dollar entry though. Thankfully i managed to get a few people together and randoms from the queue, bullshitted the doorman telling them i was ene entertainment manager for a hostel and we all got free entry plus a free drink. Not bad work. Once again the fun didn't last though. Joe was rather wasted and while i was walking out of th etoilet he kicked the door sending it right into my brow. I know now what the lyric by Franz Ferdinand "An eyebrow burst" is all about. I'm a terrible bleeder and within seconds it was dripping down my face onto my arm, Steve said i needed to go to Hospital but i refused as ever. I tried to wash the wound out and close it but it was far too wide and deep so i had to head back to the hostel with everyone questioned me on the way if i'd been battered or not. Once i returned to the hostel i had my first meeting with the lovely Miss Claire Scott, being covered in blood is always an ice breaker it seems. I'd seen her twice before on the way to the Sugarmill and around the Hostel but never actually spoke to her, she nicely insisted that i really should go get stitches and get it cleaned out but of course i refused being a stubborn idiot that i am. In hindsight she was completely right, as i'm not a big fan of my latest scar to the collection over my brow but it's not the first time i've refused medical attention and no doubt the last. It was worth it though as if i'd not hurt my eye then maybe i'd never have got to know her at all and this trip would've certainly been missing something.
I've just realised this was all the day before Australia day actually. I think on the day people just stuck Aussie flags "Get your shit stars off our flag!" on themselves and wandered about. It must be just like bank holidays back home where the Sunday is always the main event. One thing i will say is the next few weeks after were easily the best i'd had and Rock N Roll Thursday really kicked off....
No comments:
Post a Comment