This should be a quick one....the whole point of heading to Mission Beach was to do a skydive and then white water rafting the next day but if the weather in Townsville was anything to go by then neither were really going to happen. Before arriving we managed to stop off at yet another place so dull that i can't even remember its name was or what it's claim to fame was. Something to do with an old Post Office I believe, that amazing. I was incredibly cranky though, my iPhone was dead and too many people were annoying me, it was one of them days, especially this arrogant Canadian tit who thought his opinion matched that of the whole bus and he was some type of elected speaker. No you're just a tit mate. Thankfully an Australian film called Cossie provided a suitable distraction and i forget the drivers name which was a shame as he was one of the better informative ones.
Coincidentally given the run in with Aboriginals he was a young offenders outreach worker and therefore dealt a lot with Aboriginals and gave us a bit of history regarding their culture. Evidently white Europeans fucked over most of the world but Aboriginals probably suffered worse then most with the whole lost generation and what not. Obviously i'm not educated enough to talk about the situation properly but only one out of fifty complete a year in education and that can't be good, he did seem optimistic though that programs and funding were producing positive results. They're quite the remarkable people really, they were 10,000 years ahead of the rest of the world and their primitive technology methods are incredibly complicated taking years to learn. Unfortunately we just see the shit but i did meet the nicest two women the other day here, she even offered to buy my dinner. Very nice.
Katie and Charlotte were getting on the bus as i was departing, informing me best of luck with the rain as it had been here for a few days and was showing no sign of leaving. I soon found out my sky-dive was cancelled but the people at Scotty's backpackers couldn't be any nicer really, I must admit I did feel uncomfortable in the shuttle being driven by a bunch of white London boys, earrings glistening while the rap is blasting and it's all "innit bruv". This is not The North. As for the hostel I was left with little to do so just hung around and caught up with a Swedish girl i'd met in Byron Bay and had a strange wander on the long empty beach. Thankfully rather then waste time here I managed to cancel my rafting and get on the next bus to Cairns, I could always do the activities elsewhere and didn't feel like i could afford to waste any days now, cash was going down quick.
18. Croc Farm
The white boy gangster's took me to the transit centre to jump on the bus but it was running rather late and with showing no signs of turning up they decided to take me to Absolute backpackers instead where we instantly found the bus and the sight of the driver flapping all over the shop. Keano was his name and it seemed they'd cut out their first stop so were throwing a rather quick BBQ for lunch before getting back on the road. I didn't see any familiar faces at first (except a group of two cockney couples who were...well stuck up arseholes) so was more than happy when Aled wandered in as i wasn't up for the standard backpacker introductory conversations again this far into the trip. He seemed to be as releaved as me being a fellow bitter type and was in quite the anti-social mood it seems. Our bus driver was still being hectic, he had those eyes where you just know he could snap at any point and kept racing about like a nonce. Speaking of nonces, here's one of my favorite British TV moments. Amazing.
Before reaching Cairns we stopped at a 'Croc Farm', I was initially timid to the idea of forking over more cash, especially with already having been to Australia Zoo but i thought what the hell, sure beats hanging around park benches for an hour. I soon became glad I did though as it turned out to be a good laugh, the workers set the tone quickly bringing a baby Crocodile on board, scaring the shit out of all those who didn't realise it's mouth was taped up. The tour was pretty rapid but worth it, we got to see a few croc's getting a feed, right in front of us while learning a bit about them too, I had zero clue they didn't eat food for energy as they get that off the Sun, they clearly just do it for the banter. From there we moved onto feeding a group of Kangaroos where I did just get a little bit freaked out.... I was feeding a rather greedy one when all of a sudden I heard this rather strange noise, it was almost like someone chocking and receiving the Heimlich maneuver....turns out it was just Aled making a video and providing commentary in Welsh. It's not a language, it's just a noise. The rest of the tour involved bringing out a Dingo (the girls were a lot more impressed at this than allowable) and then he demonstrated with a Cassowary how it could kick the crap out of you if it wanted, unfortunately cars have been doing the shit licking to them leaving the endangered. Back at reception we were given the chance to hold a selection of reptiles and lizards, i'm not a fan at all. This can't be overstated but i manned up, held the Crocodile, let the snake coil round me and was suitably scared all the way thanks. At least I can say I've done, that's the only reason why anyone does these things.
Back to the bus to Cairns (or possibly when it was to Mission Beach this came up) we got a little history on the area and the pest that is the cane toad. I've mentioned them before so shan't go on but it was interesting to find out how difficult they are to kill and have evolved twice since being introduced to Australia(that just doesn't happen). If you drive over them from behind they actually spit their insides out(organs included) on the road and then spend the next few hours sucking them back up. Lovely.
19. Cairns
We pulled into Cairns/Gilligan's backpackers at about half six and i was pleasantly surprised at how cheap it was for such a big place with en-suites to boot. The only initial draw back was that check-n was somehow longer than even Magnums, a feat i thought was entirely not possible. However while we waited it became apparent just how many people were here since it was the last stop up the coast, almost everyone i'd met was around somewhere with more to come in the next few days.
As standard for these stops we had drinks vouchers and a table booked for the night with free jugs included, sop we quickly dumped our backpacks, got showered and then hit the bar. The night ahead turned out to be a rather random one indeed, it wasn't that we were trying to get drunk, we just kind of really did. A more plausible explanation that both Aled and I subscribe to is that we were clearly spiked, obviously somebody took a fancy to us at some point in the night. As for the night itself, it started off with us heading to the bar when i got a surprising text off Tom who was just round the corner when i thought he was in Thailand, so off i went to say hello and we'd all meet up later. This must have took all of a minute but on my return Aled had gone, now i know why Matt, Lucy and Cara refer to him as 'Disappearing Aled'. Who knows where he got off too but he thankfully turned up eventually.
As we drunk on we couldn't help but wonder where on earth the rest of our bus was and this so called table so we went on the wander, low and behold we found not just everyone on an outside table but jugs on the go and a few extra people to add insult. Our absence was probably a short one but we certainly made amends taking more than our fair share of drinks, Aled at this point also decided to introduce his 'Social Hand Grenades' that he'd picked up off some Canadians that seemed to enjoy making rather disturbing comments to people and he decided to take the baton on himself. To be fair though his initial victims were awful people, the first girl barged her way onto the table and was met with a "Have you always been that fat?", she took it well. Unfortunately the second girl didn't but she was an awful person as well as being a fat mess, some quick quotes: "Why aren't you darker?". "Where did you find him?", "Why you doing that?" blah blah blah, fuck off cow. We discussed our mutual loathing of rahs and then ended up on the wander seeing Kerry, Charlotte and Katie. Ellie joined us from her hostel and this is when it gets blurry so we must've just got spiked at this point (no really). According to Ellie I kept dissapearing and was being you could say'difficult' when i walked her back to the bus stop, thankfully she knew how to deal with me in this state. The rest of the night is just random images, being on the dance floor with the girls and Tom, talking shit with the Norwich boys and throwing various shapes. From my drunken texts i made it to bed at 2:45 but i have zero clue how i managed to get in. Firstly i didn't have a keycard so someone must've let me in and more baffling was how i got up the stairs at all. To get through the doors you needed to show your key-card and the doorman were very strict about this one. Matt had such bother a few days later that he had to show passports, check in details and even patronisingly spell his name. God knows what i did, i probably made so little sense that they just gave up on me and let me through.
The next day could be summed up in I was hungover and probably ate crap. I believe Ellie had her dive that morning and then I met up with her after being hounded to 'do something'. On the evening Aled and I met her and some friends in the Rhino Bar for 'Power hour'. It's simple enough really, you pay ten dollars for as many drinks you want between ten and eleven. All good but like most backpacker joints it was a bit sleazy with the guy on the Mic being a snake in the grass and games were to be had. Ellie jumped up but her face was a picture as she walked off once she found out what it entailed. Basically each person had to dance to a particular style of music; skanky hip-hop, country, Irish, techno and male stripper music being the categories. The French girl song the ghetto booty dancing really got involved, it was quite the site to watch. The night wasn't a particular long one with what had went before it and what was to come so we had a few more pints at O'Briens and called it a night.
Despite being rough the next morning Ellie bullied me into getting up and going to Macca's, I can't say it cured my hangover but thank god I was there to keep her on track. With all the trouble in Bangkok she was worried and was trying to get straight to Hanoi, she'd have to get to Sydney for flights first though and who knows if she would've id I didn't sort out the printing of tickets for her. I left her for one minute too and she managed to get her credit card stuck in the machine so I sorted that, bloody useless woman (Haha you know i miss getting hassled really and of course i'm far worse). I then headed back to the hostel for the much anticipated reunion with Matt, Lucy and Cara(Dave).
Their Oz bus had a table booked for the Woolshed rather than Gilligan's so we thought we'd join them there and pretend we were on their bus to get free drink and cheap food. Nothing we hadn't done before but it all didn't quite go to plan this time. We were going in blind so i deliberately let Aled go in first and it proved a good move as i witnessed an amazing exchange:
Aled:"Yeah we're with the oz bus", random bloke "Yeah you with the bus?", "Yeah we got in today", "So yo were on my bus?", "Yeah", "well what's my name?"(we've clearly been caught out), "oh i don't know i was asleep most of it", "Where did i pick you up from then?", "Magnums on mission beach" (It's on Airlie beach and we're dying now), "I think you're trying it on aren't you?", "look mate i don't want 20 questions i'll pay", "you've been caught out i think", "look if you're going to do 20 questions", "shall we ask the people up there if you were on the bus and then i'll give you the cash back later?", "No it doesn't matter we'll just pay to get in"... woman on door"It's free, it's just for cheaper food", haha oh dear. For what it's worth I was of zero help or support at all. So we went up to join Lucy and Cara with our tails between our legs and slagged him off. In fairness he soon came over, said he had to do that in front of the staff and we'd get some drinks. We got more than those on the bus it turned out.
We headed downstairs after they'd finished their grub and Matt joined us as things quickly picked up on the shot front. Ellie joined us briefly before heading off to catch an early flight but it was nice to see her to bid farewell. Things got messy quickly, Aled was loving the shot's even necking one with Tabasco sauce and a chilli in it swallowed whole. The three of us then went in the triple decker ABC shots : Absinthe, Barcadi one2one and i don't even want to know what else. This brought Aled to twitch mode and throw some hand grenades again, "How did you find your first period?" a random blonde got asked, oh no. I went to the toilet where i Saw two bouncers pointing at Aled declaring "That's the one" before he was soon ejected, he was determined to finish that drink though. Now once again we entered hazy territory, Jacob appeared out of nowhere and i think i kept wandering off for food but failing each time. I vaguely remember being in the Irish bar before hitting a club but I have no recollection of where, what it was called or how I got back. It got worse the next day when i discovered I'd somehow go on the net off my face, the damage wasn't too bad but Claire did receive the weird text that just said "White flight", who knows what goes through my mind at these moments.
The next day was another spent hanging and while the others provided support to Aled for his bungee jump I just munched a Hungry Jacks, just as well I did as this meant i couldn't take part in the "McChallange" event on their return. The premise was simple, Matt and Aled had to finish a family meal each, this entailed something like 2 Big macs, 2 Cheeseburgers, 6 Chicken nuggets, 4 fries and 4 drinks. What followed was one of the funniest things i've ever witnessed, they both went through what was quite an array of emotions, delirium, manic laughter, nausea, drunkenness and it was all genius. Interesting to see the different tactics they took to take on the challenge but the main highlight was probably Aled's war with his final Big Mac. He sized it up time and time again but couldn't bring himself to finish it off and in the end they both failed with Matt putting in the best effort but he did act the strangest afterwards. Just wandering about talking shite while Aled was clearly not a well man. From there Dave and Lucy tried to get us all involved in ring of fire but with a 4am bus to catch i wisely resisted.
I didn't leave myself much time to catch my flight but thankfully the shuttle got there quickly. Once there I was a bit worried about finding the desk having lost all my glasses but that didn't prove a problem, the only near hazard was me just about forgetting the Swiss army knife in my 'man bag' but i manage to remember just in time. The three hour flight was okay enough but in all the flights i'd been on this was easily the smallest craft, about 60 seats so it was quite the turbulent ride. With that all over all that was left eas to jump on the train and i was soon setting out back in The Cross...
Song For The Day - The Horrors: Who Can Say?
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