The Lost Weekend: Phi Phi, The Rock, The Beach, Jesus Boots, Alan Carr and Tatoos(nearly)

Well i have zero clue why i said it was pretty good staying at On On hostel from the Beach, it's clearly not as bad as depicted then but oh god it was a right hole. Every step anywhere in the building reverberated throughout and all i could hear for hours on end was the terrorizing sound of somebody playing table tennis but not being able to locate where it came from. The walls were so thin too that i could hear some bloke clearly in pain next door, nobodies body is meant to be that audible is all i can say. Or make anything like the noises he did, thank god i never bumped into him....Anyhow I ended up having to travel to Patong again on the bus to pick a camera up as i'd put it off for so long but i really needed to get one before Phi Phi. It wasn't too much of a bother and at least gave me the chance to take some photos that I couldn't while there prior. It was a canny nice day out to say the least, so a trip out wasn't too bad for 50 baht.
I think i spent the evening wandering the streets again looking for anywhere with more than 2 people inside. This is a much harder task then you'd think with all the bars and what not but it takes some work. Thankfully after four days of looking i managed to come across a bar with 5 people in it.......playing Dancing in the Dark. I clearly knew this would be the place for me so stayed in there all night and attempted to craic on with some Russians with little success, they really are a harsh race. Those winter months must really give them that volatility that they just love to show everybody. Everyone was sitting with Laptops out though, an all to common sight over here in the bars. Losers.
The bus came to pick me up at around 7am so didn't really manage to get much sleep the night before; my hatred of mornings and the bloke next door being in pain of a help either. I can't stress enough how load or how anybodies bodily functions be just quite so audible........The ferry trip was rather quick and it was a rather stunning day to boot so my 100 percent none travel sickness rate on this trip has now extended to boats as well, just need to tick the trains off the list next and then i'll be a normal person i think. This is the longest my Stomach has actually held up since it got ripped, including nights out. Good times. Coming into any port, major street or town is a daunting task here as you just get harassed from all corners, so on arrival to Phi Phi i just kept the blinkers on and then headed straight for "The Rock". It was pretty quiet there so just headed straight to the amazing beach and finished off In Cold Blood. Perry Smith's rather blunt confession in it did manage to freak me out about my own mortality just a bit too much so i decided to get straight onto my usual routine of trying to check out every bar and place in town and see where everyone goes. I met a few people and managed to pick up a stalker for the rest of the week at this time too, my bag was doing my head in so i decided to head back to the rock and soon became very glad i did. There was now about 12 people there and got invited for the first of many drinks and the famed "buckets", i'd spent four days looking for a hostel where everyone hung out together so was pretty relieved to say the least. We spent most of the night at the rock with the old ipod dj on the go and then headed to tiger bar for the free buckets, and then to the masses at the beach with the same 5 songs being blasted on repeat, which soon all became another traditions. The next day was pretty much a similar affair, spending it at the beach and then at night the "Rock crew" seemed to expand at an exponential rate ,so it was impossible to keep track of who the hell everyone was. However after staying up to seven in the morning i think we managed to upset just about everybody in the dorm and a mass exodus followed the next day, thankfully i was in a single "room" so didn't have to deal with the various shenanigans.
I'd have probably spent the rest of the next day in bed but thankfully Mark woke me up banging on my door and then Four of us went out on the long boat for a bit of snorkeling and touring on a long boat which was a very overdue activity for myself. i'd really not done anything in comparison to others as for as "activities" go so it was a prettay good idea. We went to some good spots for a bit of a dive and snorkeling, as well as visiting the "perfect beach", monkey island (self explanatory) and vikings cave (I think they're sea gypsies in a cave or something). You can only really appreciate the place if you go there as it's all just so untouched, i doubt it'll be like that for much longer though. A grand day all and all, i'd have to say; i even managed to make a stealthy exit on the night to avoid buckets and thought it was about time i FINALLY called home. At this point i wrote in my journal i was planning on taking it easy for the next few nights.............Mega fail.
Friday was a day spent cooking at the beach till about 6 o clock and was pretty bloody good too, met a few more people who apparently where well aware of "The Rock people", it seemed we cultivated quite a reputation already. The night that followed pretty much did nothing but add to that to be honest, i'd imagine many buckets where had, we probably had chicken at the stop off and i'd imagine the immigration police where in again as the night came to a quick halt at 2 am. Obviously this wouldn't do so we decided to go on the hunt for another bar and the night descended into something straight out of Uni days in Newcastle. We managed to make our way to the other side of the village and then Joe somehow ended up playing a bit of guitar in a Tattoo parlour. We then found one of the oversized trolley and the events that followed where straight out of the post bulletproof at Northumbria play book. Mike ended up in the trolley, with the rest of us pushing him back to the other side of the village, much like back home where somebody would end up in a trolley getting pushed from the student union to the quayside, at that point someone would raise the idea of going for a trek, this usually meant walking 12 miles from Newcastle to South Shields so was always easily dismissed and blueline taxis would be called. Not the case here i'm afraid. We somehow thought it would be good to take the very strenuous, steep, pitch black trek to the viewpoint.....while drunk.....in barely a level of fitness to do it sober (except Joe being a RAF man, thats why i blamed it on him the next day)......oh and we were specifically going looking for monkeys. Terrible. After what seemed like forever of climbing incredibly steep small steps (which at one point had me using my hands as feet too since only about one 12th of my feet where on the steps and i didn't have or phone or lighter to use as a mimic for a torch therefore i couldn't see Luke despite the fact he was only a foot in front of me, i definitely got "the fear") we decided to give up and go back home. Thank god. Those monkeys must've clearly heard us as the next day a group appeared next to everyone's bungalows clearly planning an ambush.
Hangovers were again slept off and the nights activities were all booked around the football. It's also worth mentioning that by this time i'd picked two nicknames to add to the many already : "Alan Carr" and "Jesus Boots". The former because apparently we shame the same glasses (you could've probably thrown teeth in their too when i was 12...thank god my head grew to catch up with those goofy things) and the latter due to the fact i where rather offensive to some nike sandals rather then those Brazil flip flops. Well kids i don't do croc shoes, flip flops or anything else and they certainly don't do them in my size so you'll just have to learn to love the Jesus Boots. Anyhow, United won, Sunderland Won, Liverpool lost and as did Chelsea so a big night was clearly going to be on the horizon. I didn't quite realize how big mind......
We'd been discussing how easy it was to wake up with a tat here as there's countless parlors n a very dense area so on the way home drunk it can be very easy to stroll into one. Well that's just what happened to us on this night, Luke was already getting ready for his with cries of "Lancashire mate.......red rose" and "Friends prices, we're mates Bier so friend prices", there was also a crazy old Swedish guy dancing about for some reason with a "sex instructor" t shirt on....clearly in Thailand for the culture then......In no time i found myself in sat down, Tattoo picked out and t shirt rolled up ready to get to work, obviously since it was my frisrt one i went for a "sleeve" from my shoulder to my elbow, as you do. Thankfully it would have took about 20 hours and 30'000 baht. I had neither of these so i said i come back tomorrow like, i never did obviously.
Me, Mike and Luke where meant to be leaving the next day but that was a fail, i bumped into them later and Luke was in quite a bit pain from the tattoo and the booze and it was agreed we should definitely leave the next day as the money goes too quick here. Well they managed it but after another night out i decided i'd hide for a day and then leave on Tuesday. At least i got some good photos from the night out though so there was that at least. I did manage to leave my camera in the chicken place but thank god the Thais are an honest bunch as they kept it for me, they clearly enjoyed my "meat cleaver" antics. So yeah i bought me tickets for the ferry, said goodbye to Joe Matt, Mark, Amanda and everyone else left on the Island and moved to Krabi on the Tuesday. Initially i've dismissed it as Phuket like but there's much more going on here and a lot more to do. Think i'll stay for a few days then onto Railay.

One thing about Thailand though is although they want to increase Tourism they seem to love to have things to defer it. In Bangkok you have the hassling Tuk Tuks, Taxis, Suits, guesthouses and even people telling you off for not walking with purpose or a clear destination in mind. They must always plan specific routes here rather then sample the joys of wandering or "looking about" In Kata and Patong you have thai women(probably men too) hanging on the bars calling you in like your a sex pest, Berlusconi's defense against accusations of sleeping with escorts comes to mind a lot here "I'd never understand why a man would pay, it's the pursuit that the thrill" or at least let people show SOME value. Phi Phi's deterrent came in the form of bicycles and the flyer staff. It was lke running the gauntlet every night against the flyer people and despite the fact you avoid them and never take any.....you always wake up with millions in your pockets. As for their bikes? Baffling why you'd want one when its a 5 minute walk across the village and there's plenty of pedestrian traffic about. Not to mention you can only ride them painfully slow and the slight screams of "beep beep" don't really help anyone, i 'd have loved to give wanna them a clothesline from hell like, maybe the ones with about 4 people would've been the best haha. The massage places are more funny then annoying, anyone who's had a "maasssaaaaaaaaaage" or "handsome man" cry surely had to at least crack a smile.. I do love a rant.

Reading this post probably seems we just got drunk for a week, swam and sat on the Beach. Yes but what a place to do all three and i defy anyone to resist doing the same themselves, unless you're a Mormon or something.. Krabi, Veggie fest and self mutilation coming up next time (them not me).