Turn the base up

The long incredibly steep walk with backpack in tow wasn't exactly what i wanted to do first thing on Sunday morning, the blazing sunshine left me pretty much covered in sweat on arrival which is never great for first impressions. On arrival there was quite a queue of multiple nationalities at reception and it soon became apparent that this was a fairly massive place to what i'd been used to and much more corporately ran. Check-in didn't go exactly smoothly to say the least which ain't what i wanted the state i was in, firstly they didn't have my reservation, took an age to get that sorted. My card wouldn't work in the chip and pin machine for some unknown reason so a slight panic occurred but thankfully I could withdraw cash, after i went wandering the streets looking for an ATM of course. She decided at this point to tell me she required a 20 dollar deposit for the room key too so i had to go back out for more cashola, as you can imagine i was pretty happy when i got in my room and could dump my bags.
My home for the next week was to be a shared 8 bed dorm and it wasn't too shabby at all really but at the same time hardly value for money. The only person in was a French guy called Pierre how was just arriving then too, his English was rather non existent so all i could get out of him was that he came from Nice, he hated Parisians and had zero clue what beds where free so was just picking any. I picked up a definite "this guy is not all there" vibe instantly. Got a shower and then headed out for the day, The sun was absolutely blazing so i just sat in Hyde Park mostly, reading listening to some tunes and soaking up the sun. One odd thing was that i got stopped by an oddly healthy looking tramp to ask for some cash and i've noticed that a lot here, the homeless are remarkably well kept and even overweight in some cases, the Aussies must be an unusually charitable bunch.
On my return to the dorm there was two Irish girls but it quickly  became apparent that they were the inclusive travelers who don't really talk to others, even when i cracked my head off the bed which i thought would be a suitable ice breaker brought very limited commentary. The dorm was almost making me ill from the dullness so i went to the common area downstairs and that was another surreal experience. There was plenty of people about but the most reaction i got from anyone when saying hello was a raise of the eyebrows, this certainly wasn't like the Thailand places and freaked me out a bit to say the least. In hindsight Base is just a corporate yuppie hostel full of pretty boys and wag wannabees, you can't drink or do anything remotely fun and they just want you to waste all your money in the affiliated bar next door; the internet is a rip off too so i really wouldn't recommend it to anyone. I checked out the tv room but it was more of the same with everyone shooting you looks like you'd just done something terrible, evidently i didn't hang round long and went back to the room to find a couple of swedes there but i assumed they were German for some reason. That happens alot really, indistinguishably  foreign equals German in my brain. Pierre came in pissed on the night in a manner only describable as goose stepping, i tried telling him he's taken one of the girls beds but it was useless. "Girls? they are girls here?" He then proceeded to pat down every bed and look in dark corners as if they were hiding, it was pretty fucked up to say the least. The penny finally dropped for what i meant and he just replied "Well maybe girl comes home, she comes in bed and she likes me" haha, needless to say that didn't happen. "The Cheeky fucking bastard" was the response on returning home.
I went to Darling Harbour the next day for a wander and to book tickets for Avatar at the iMax since it's the biggest one in the world. It didn't look that impressive from the outside but the harbour certainly was. It includes a collection of the most fantastic, boats, bars, museums,aquariums and the harbour itself is partly a floating museum of old early 20th century ships, battleships and various other boats from through the century. I checked out the maritime museum with it being in my price range (free) and inside was relatively underwhelming. Australia is pretty much an infant in terms of what we know about it so most of it's immediate history seems to be associated with dealings with other countries. The majority of the place was  taking up by an American donation of various artifacts, in the early 20th century Roosevelt in an effort to flex the military muscle of the states sent his fleet on a world wide trip and it's entry into Sydney is apparently a big part of their maritime history it seems. I guess if you have none of your own you're gonna have to steal others but it's hardly suprising given the remoteness of the country and like i said it's relative infancy.
On the evening we got interrupted by some "reps" for the bar trying to swindle us into going there all night as it was going to be cRaZy, they were basically the same as any student entertainments officer or holiday rep i've ever encountered so the only way you can deal with these people is being blunt, thankfully they took the hint rather quickly. The swedes (Mattias and Johann) and i were rather bored though so decided we may as well get drunk and use the drink vouchers for the bar downstairs. I'll sum the bar up this way, it's 5 dollars for a drink with the drinks voucher and what you get in return is a half a pint; yes we clearly moved on elsewhere with great haste. We quickly came up with a plan of action being to go to a bottle shop (the only place you can get booze outside of a bar) and then go old school and drink in the park like a right bunch of tearaways. We then headed up to a club called the Gaff where Mattias' bullshitting skills were rather amazing, within an instant of being told we had to pay ten dollars each he said "yeah we're on a pub crawl with the backpackers" and we all got stamped instantly, not bad work at all, we even bumped into Pierre who was as insane as ever dancing "hip to hip" with anybody (un)fortunate to cross his path. I think him and Andre would have got on like a house on fire. Really good night though although frighteningly expensive, it's never nice to hand over 50 dollars for three jaegerbombs and then getting only coinage in return. The taxi ride home was incredibly disturbing though, we were pretty drunk and ended up getting separated so i just jumped in the taxi as it was only about a five minute ride back, half way there the taxi driver decide to comment how "sexy" i was and then tried to lift my top up! To say i freaked out was an understatement, i told him to shut up and drop me off round the corner which he thankfully managed to do. However as i exited the car the cheeky bastard then tried to stick his hand down the back of my pants and then drove off! Losing lot's of weight is always nice but it clearly has it's side effects when it leaves your pants hanging off you. I don't think I'd be offended if he was such a fat old tramp like, and it's not the first time its happened. I'll never forget putting some stock out at work and an elderly woman did it as well only to comment "i couldn't resist son". I was literally left speechless, mental.
Not much was achieved the next day due to being a bit rough but a couple of Germans moved in named Dennis and Daniel of all things and they were here solely to surf and buy anything billabong or quicksilver. They were rather disappointed to hear i wasn't doing the same but to be honest i couldn't really pay attention to anything they said i as so caught up with the fact one of them was the double of the weird ginger kid from The 'Burbs, it took all of my mental strength not to get him to offer me sardines but i think the reference would've just flown over his head anyhow. I manage to extract half a conversation out of Pierre regarding Henrys handball and the genius of Lorik Cana since he was a Marseilles fan. This was quite the achievement and nobody else came close to repeating.
I thought it would probably be worthwhile to e-mail a few hostels to see if there's any decent long term accommodation deals going and it was just as well i did. The first five places i contacted all told me they were fully booked up from December 22nd so mild panic set in and i decided to e mail pretty much everyone in the city. The majority on return were fully booked but all of them hiked there prices up to extortiante levels, i had zero clue that it was such a popular christmas and new year destination, one hostel even wanted 900 dollars just for the privelge of staying ther and then i would have to pay for the room on top every night. The rates everywhere shot up from 2o to at least 50 dollars per night too so i basically spent the next few days trying to find anywhere that did a reasonable deal and thankfully i managed to find a whole two that did. Balmain was a bit too far out for my tastes, the reviews were poor to so it left Bedlam as they only real choice and the guy who ran it Rich seemed sound. I managed to negotiate a pretty ok deal so that was a weight off the shoulders andthen i could continuie on with the job search.....or so i thought. For some unknown reason Halifax decided to put a block on my account again meaning i couldn't get any cash, view my accounts or do anythig really. Before i had the chance to even contact them the next day they sent me an e-mail stating i could now view my account and it had been unlocked, this was rather ood as if you're going to do that then surely they should wait till i contact them? Strange. At least i knew i could pay all my accommodation money up front so i wouldn't be spending cash i didn't have.
Thankfully it wasn't all just boring during this time and i did manage to visit the Harbour bridge, Sydney Opera house and royal botanical gardens. All of them are just fantastically beautiful places and even with high expectations none of them were at all slightly disappointing. The thing is with places like this is that it's almost impossible to describe what it's like being there, you just have to experience it yourself to appreciate it.
The dorm went through a bot of a change as the swedes unfortunately moved on but thankfully there replacements were two of the soundest people i've ever met in Jared and Dave the kiwis. Within in an hour of meeting them they had me, the Germans, Pierre all in the bar meeting another eight of their girl mates who were heo see Britney of all things and were quick to get the drinks in despite me having little cash. The theme for the night in the bar (there's always one, beach night, karaoke etc) was ladies night and Pierre came prepared for the free champagne as all of a sudden he produced a dress out of nowhere in hope it would get him some, i don't know if the guy was a genius or the stupidest person i've ever met. it really is such a fine line. One of the Germans despite being a midget one the "stripping" contest but that was basically due to he now knew the most people in the bar due to the kiwis, 50 dollars bar tab is no bad prize here though, even if it is hardly two rounds. A group of us managed to make it to Kings cross but the early start was too much for some and we were unfortunately back at around midnight,; thankfully i heard some one shouting my name and it randomly turned out to be the swedes! They clearly agreed it was too early to go home so we headed back to the cross at world bar and i found a really cool bar playing much more my kind of music. This made me rather happy as there is only so many times a saner man can hear David guetta and the black eyed peas so the sound of the strokes, YYY's, justice et al  was rather grand. To quote Mark i soon got "tuned in" and had another really good night. However when i saw one of the irish girls the next day she was quick to enquire with "Bad head this morning?". Knowing i'd not seen her out this clearly meant "you woke me up when you came stumbling in last night ya bastard", it happens. I spent the next few days trying to avoid drinking and despite the great efforts of everyone else in the dorm i managed to show remarkable willpower till it came time to leave on Sunday morning. I was slightly fed up of the constant job/hotel search and since i didn't have a c.v. or phone i decided to break for a day and head to Bondi junction on the recommendation of the kiwis and germans. It's again a rather nice extravagant place and just like the metro centre but more condensed and a higher class of shops, the free diet coke was a delight though. I said my goodbyes on the evening and then headed onto bedlam where i shall be till January. It is definitely not Base......

Hello Australia..........Hello Sydney

And now back to the originally planned programming........I've been in Sydney for around eleven days now so it's about time i got caught up with ye olde blogging again...
I left Bangkok on the twelfth and per the usual Thailand standards it wasn't without incident. Firstly i paid for a minibus to pick me up at the Merry V at around 2ish to take me to the airport, the guy turned up on time and helped me to the vehicle which wasn't a minibus at all but a simple taxi. Hmmm i thought well i do hope there's not many people getting picked up as you're not going to be able to squeeze many into here, that certainly won't deter them from trying though. Firstly we picked up a foreign girl from round the corner, I have no idea where she was from as when i said "Hello" she just looked at me with one of those faces that said "i don't understand anything so i'm not going to try and speak", there's no other way to put it than saying she was "a big girl" too. This and our backpacks meant the taxi was pretty much full already and anymore pick ups was clearly going to mean pretzel time for me again. Unfortunately we did make another stop on Khao San Road to pick up a latin girl(who i randomly bumped into today as well), to say she packed excessively would be an understatement along the lines of saying Mel Gibson wasn't really a big fan of the Jews. Her main suitcase was like a coffin which barely could get in the boot on it's own never mind with all our stuff too, she also had a massive wide screen laptop, 3 over sized shoulder bags and a satchel; you'd think she was checking into Beverly Hills not hostel central and tramping around Thailand, she was only there for three weeks too!  The taxi driver spent about fifteen minutes trying to fit the bags in the boot, using various combinations while i grew more agitated at the fact that "This is not a minibus". I eventually went outside and in about thirty seconds had everyone organized and all the bags in the car, studying decision maths for a   module or two with maths at college clearly provided some actual "life skills" then....... Or maybe just not everyone's retarded. 
The drive to the airport seemed overtly long but we managed to get there relatively hassle free, i got talking to the Latin girl and found she was on the same flight to me so i helped her to the right place in the airport and to check in. However thirty seconds later I  discovered that some point in the last eight days between Koh Phagnan and Bangkok, i'd been robbed of all my foreign currency. Now i must have been pretty visibly enraged as the latin girl made a rather quiet exit as i threw all my stuff out of my backpack in the middle of airport in the desperate hope it had just been misplaced but this was to no avail. The annoying thing was that i'd been so paranoid about getting robbed that i always carry my valuables at all times (cash, passport, iPhone, iPod etc) as in my own strange logic i'd much prefer to see someone rob me in front of my face and at least take a beating rather then slyly doing it. I'd not needed other currency in Thailand though so just left it in a small pouch inside my backpack at all times, there was a few hundreds pounds worth of aussie dollars, euros as well as Dubai money too. Curiously the Dubai cash was left in the bag and when i tried to exchange that so i could get some food i was informed you can't in exchange it in Thailand; this made me think it was a Thai that did it as only they'd know the cash was worthless there, unless somebody left the notes so i'd not realise it was gone. My money was on it being the horrible little woman from Koh phagnan doing it, she clearly had an unnatural vendetta against me so was a prime suspect. I spent the next hour storming about wishing i had something to smash up but soon calmed down and thought "shit happens" and i wasn't going to let it put a dampener on the trip.
After a few hours spent looking at lots of luxurious items I wanted but couldn't afford we soon were on the plane again. I can't articulate how delighted i was to find i was sitting on a fire exit which means not only i don't have to consider some other schmuck not being able to open the door but no seats in front and actual leg room! Any anger left from the cash going was soon quickly erased and the flight was once again rather comfortable. I didn't manage to get any sleep whatsoever but did manage to get through three films to pass the time, G.I. Joe was hilarious in its awfulness and not a patch on the cartoon Action Force the movie (that did have a character called Nemesis Enforcer too so it was always going to have a head start), Transformers 2 was also absolutely stupid and seemed to be directed by a desperate geeky 14 year old boy ( Testicles on a transformer? that's humour) and finally (500) Days of summer which thankfully was much more my thing and really enjoyed. He was the man in 3rd Rock and ten things....but Joseph Gordan Lewitt has really become the stamp of approval for quirky indie films....actually no, he was Cobra Commander in G.I. Joe, how did that casting come about?
The plane touched down around 9:30 am local time and i managed to pick my bag up and get through immigration rather rapidly, obviously someone here had read my airport security rant. I knew a taxi would be expensive but i unfortunately had no clue where i was going so a bus was out of the question so i had no choice really. All i'd heard for six weeks in Thailand was " Oz is really expensive" and i found this out straight away, I sat in horror watching the taxi meter go up as it ended up costing 48 dollars for a twenty minute ride. At one point we sat in traffic for a good five minutes and the meter still went up and up, complete and utterly sickening. I soon got dropped off at the hotel and was quite releaved to find i could check in straight away, since my room was ready. On my print out it stated i may have to wait four hours so this was a big relief as all I wanted was a bed at this point. However one of things Bill Bryson noted in "Down Under" ws that they don't really do customer service over here, i'm glad i had this knowledge as the guy at reception was a complete arsehole so at least it was expected. He was training a new member of staff too so was trying to impress him for some reason by being inattentive as well but i was too tired to moan so just went to my room and crashed out for about 20 hours. Not all of this time was spent during sleeping and i did have the chance to watch some Aussie tv. From what i could gather all that was happening was that "Superstar" Michael Buble was appearing on every single daytime, morning and primetime show during the next week, there was a immigration crisis involving some hunger striking sril lankans on a boat and that Australia is home to the most unfunny shows of all time, specifically their version of "Have I got news for you", "good news week". Nothing but "big" humor where unfunny people think if they shout or talk louder and louder then the joke will suddenly become funny (it never does), the female comediennes just act like blokes and bloody Ben Eltion was a guest shilling his book. I really despise that tit.
I managed to get up for a bit of an explore the next day and pretty much fell in love with Sydney straight away. I had no idea where i was or what direction to go in but it seemd i had two possible routes so picked one and headed on. I had a fifty fifty chance of going the right way so obviously picked the wrong one but i was more than glad to do so. The weather was lovely and i stumbled across a really nice part of town i would probably never had found, it was mostly suburbs and  i think the area was Paddington but everything about it was rather resplendent.  There was lots of victorian houses, boutiques, galleries, cafes and quirky little shops all over so spending two hours wandering around in the sunshine was rather enjoyable. I managed to come across a street i recognized from maps so promptly followed it down only to find it took me out 3o metres away from my hotel as well as a sign being there showing me the directions i should've went. Ah well it was worth it and i guess when they say you're never really lost when traveling proved to  be true.
The main things i was trying to find was Kings cross, O Malleys bar and Base backpackers that i was moving into the next day. Well i found the first two straight away but spent the next few hours going up, down, left and right round the streets of Sysney in the completely wrong direction but found out why everyone loves it here and once again "discovered" some cool places and parks. It sounds like a trivial thing to say but one of the best things about it here is you can literally walk anywhere from one side of the city to another. The streets are built so there's no motorways passing through and you can wander round parks, shopping malls, musuems, harbours, bars and everything else for as long as you wish. I managed to realise that i'd basically had the map the wrong way and once i got my bearings i found Base pretty quickly indeed. Time was getting on so i walked the few miles back to the hotel, watched some more crappy tv and then left to move onto Base the next day. And i'll write all about that next time.....

Regarding Thailand and Airport Ranting

After a rather rapid six weeks, the first leg of my initial foray into traveling is complete and Thailand is in the books. It really doesn't seem two days ago i was bidding farewell to everyone back home and walking around the departure lounge looking slightly stupefied so the time really has flown over. I'm off to Sydney in the morning so no doubt i'll probably be doing the same again wondering quite what the next seven months shall bring (hopefully). I can safely say the decision to go traveling has definitely been one of the best i've ever made, admittedly i'd probably say that regardless but i've had nothing but a great time and just the thought of what i'd be doing back home now is quite troublesome.
As for Thailand it's pretty obvious that i thought it was a rather lovely country; the thais are so incredibly honest and even if you give them the opportunity (and i've given them plenty) they'd never take anything from you, something i certainly couldn't say for back home. Yes the Tuk Tuks, Taxis, suit pushers and ping pong "agents" are a massive pain but you do learn to just ignore them and look at the bigger picture really, it's nothing in the grand scheme of things. It's pointless me repeating superlatives and thoughts i've already said but i'd probably say my favourite places were Railay and Phi Phi for rather different reasons. Both amazing beaches, the former as it was so laid back while the latter was quite different, both incredible places. Full Moon was also a quite obvious experience like no other. The only disappointment was not being able to visit Chang Mai after hearing so many good things about it, unfortunately being ill prevented that but it was probably for the best as my wallet was wearing thin. Plus i'm feeling a lot better and my chest has cleared up just in time for the Australia trip. It's not too bad either as i now want to do Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam and North Thailand can easily be included with them if i make it back over, it's not an overtly long trip so should be easily planned. Going diving in Phi Phi is also something i'd like to come back and do sometime if possible. Overall i'd definitely recommend it to anyone to come here, the range of accommodation and food covers all so you don't just have to slum it like myself.....it is the best way mind haha.

Since i'm off to the airport tomorrow i may as well rant about some things that really piss me off about the place, it has been awhile since i've ranted anyhow.
Airport Security is clearly one of the biggest bullshit facades put on people in society today. I'm sick of some sweaty, double digit I.Q simpleton going through my bag as if he's a F.B.I agent and never finding anything while asking the stupidest questions. Whats this? er a iPod. What does it do? Blows things up genius....thats another thing, you certainly can't joke in an airport. I very much doubt that in the history of bag checks they've ever found anything. No bombs, no guns, no knives, no crossbows. It's just a waste of fucking time. If you wanted to take a plane down then you could, all you need is big hands and a bit of strength. They even give you a knife and fork, those could easily take an eye if you were so inclined. And what's with the security questions? Do these protect anyone?.....Did you pack your bag by yourself? .....No, i enlisted the help of a group of Nigerian pirates to help me get the job done. Has the bag been in your possession at all times? ....Erm no actually, I placed in a back lane for a few days then feasted on some boar just as a tradition really and went back to pick it up. Has any unknown person approached while in possession of your bags? No unknowns but these too rather lovely gentleman wearing Islamic clothing were a delight to converse with and a happily let them carry my bag for a bit.....it's all just bullshit to make rich people feel safe and give them a false sense of security. Smugglers certainly don't have any problems getting things on planes do they? You're more likely to get killed by a Donkey then a terrorist, now those are the fuckers you need to watch out for......Oh and hand luggage is called that for a reason. You're meant to be able to carry it in your hand! Why people have decided to start carrying 5 foot bags with them i don't know and they don't even get anything from them when on board. Surely you can't be that close to the weight limit with your luggage? I was so delighted to see a woman freaking out because they wouldn't let her on the plane with a suitcase. Idiot. .......ah Sydney should be fum mind! haha....Also, is literally all that has happened back home is X Factor and the continuing saga of Katie and Pete?

Bangkok Redux or nothing really happening

Well not too much a happening in the last week and since my return to Bangkok. My Phagnan cold has turned into a chest infection and coughing up phlegm is not really the best thing when talking to people, it also means i haven't slept properly for about a week making me washed out. Ah well, it can't be the best of times all the time and it's hardly a nightmare. Thankfully the weather has been pretty erratic so it's not like i've missed out on anything and i can't afford (or have the time really) to make it to Chang Mai and back.
That's not to say it's been bad times, far from it. I needed to "recharge the batteries" before Australia and didn't really have the energy for anything to exhilarating, it has given me the chance to catch up om my reading and writing too which is always so easy to neglect. I managed to race through Four Feathers and The Road in a day respectively and very much enjoyed reading both of them. As noted before i do enjoy a bit of bleakness so The Road was especially good, the film looks like it could be rather harrowing and brilliant too http://www.apple.com/trailers/weinstein/theroad/.
So yeah, not much happening at the moment, Sunday was a rather lovely day though so i decided to go for a wander and follow down any street i'd never ventured before. One thing i'd not seen while in Thailand was a park of any sort so i was quite pleasantly surprised to stumble upon one, the thought of just lazing about reading and listening to the iPod was rather appealing so that's just what i did. There was quite a cast of characters in there, an elderly woman with the help of who i assumed to be her son was trying her best to walk around with a zimmer frame, a giant of a Thai was sweeping through the park and there was also a 5 a side football tournament going on. It was quite surprising how good they actually were, Thais are raised on Muay Thai from a very early age so the majority of them are incredibly fit but they were quite good technically too. Obviously Peter Reid and Bryan Robson hasn't set football back too much yet here or got them on any pub crawls. I kept wandering about coming across the usual park like things, fountains,statues, flower displays as well as a miniature lake complete with Lighthouse. As i wandered more i could hear the sounds of screaming and grunting. Quite odd for a Sunday afternoon in a park, so you could say i was rather relieved to find it was an outdoor fully fledged weights gym in the middle of the park, not what you always expect to see.
On the way back i noticed that the street stallers were throwing up their covers despite it being sunny, this could only mean it was about to piss it down any time soon, the Thais seem to have a precognition for this. Thankfully I made it back before the heavens soon opened. I was a bit wrecked so crashed out for a bit and woke up around nine instantly thinking i need to get out of this room. They're alright for sleeping but not much else. I found a good bar and settled down to the football watching the Hull vs Stoke and Unitedvs Chelsea games. The latter was just about as frustrating as the Liverpool match and may anger towards Carrick, Anderson and players of the ilk seems to grow with each passing day, I really need to write a rant on it, i'm sure i'll feel better afterwards. Got chatting to an English bloke and an Italian in there who were both seasoned travellers. They had nothing but good things to say about Myanmar and Phillipines respectively and this was the firsti'd heard anyone really mention them. The guidebooks are a great helpinitially but it's only through chatting topeople you find the really cool little places to go and get a feel for what you'd like and dislike. I think this may be the most boring post of all time but it can't all be Full Moon parties and beaches all the time.....just most of the time.

FULL MOON PARTY

Onwards to Full Moon Party then, if you've never heard of it then Google it but it's basically 30'000 people on a beach partying till the last one standing I'd imagine. The day time was pretty quiet but you could tell something was happening or about too, a definite feeling of anticipation. The four of us (that being, me, Mark, Becky and Phil) went out towards town in search of "UV Rave Paint" for Becky mainly (she ended up with the least amount on) and T-Shirts/vests for us "boys" to ruin on the evening. Speaking of us walking down together reminds me of an "event" i forgot to mention in my previous post. We were all sat watching Arsenal give Tottenham a spanking when suddenly we heard a loud bang outside the bar; a taxi  (more like a pick  up truck) had collided with a moped. They're rampant here, Thais and Farang alike use them all over the country, sometimes with a whole family on one bike including babies. They'll go on them too in any state, it doesn't matter how paralytic they get, they'll still jump on and speed off into the dark of the night. That's bad enough in itself but when you've hot all manner of cars and trucks rattling round blind corners at 70 mph then it's just creating an environment for mass crashes. Vietnam is meant to be even more crazy but i'd personally not get on one anywhere, i've got plenty of scars off just riding bicycles round the estate as a kid already and if you fall off you don't just get hurt but badly hurt. Thankfully people were quick to jump to aid when the accident happend and an ambulance was on the scene within minutes. The investigative journalist in Becky was of too great a size so she went to find out what was going on; a Thai girl had collided head on with the taxi and landed head first on the bonnet leaving a rather sizable mark. The people around couldn't tell if she was incredibly drunk or just in shock but a bit of both would probably be the answer i bet, i'm sure the taxi service was trying to pin blame on the booze to cover their own backs anyhow. A guy remarked he was sitting in the same spot earlier and another crash happened, he clearly needs to find a new spot but it's definitely no mopeds for me or renting cars.
Back onto Full Moon front a guy at our hotel who  told us of an incident he was involved in the night before. He'd been in a taxi with a few people coming back from had rin and was the last person to get dropped off. The taxi drivers (there's always two in the front) pulled over about half a mile from our resort demanding "more money", he told them that he'd just as well walk but they never went for that. They then proceeded to grab him and take him behind a sign of sorts where there was some wooden weapons and demanded all his money. Luckily he only had 100 baht on him so he handed it over and left with them driving past laughing and waving. I was actually glad to hear this as it was a reminder to keep my wits about me as crime was rampant at full moon, Thais pick off stragglers and if you put thousands of people and alcohol into any situation then trouble is abound.
We booked our return taxi and then headed out for a night that was very likely not going to be like too many others. The beach was already pretty jammed with faces in various colours of rave paint and it really was quite a site to see, some had clearly started far too early too as they were passed out already. Unfortunately i took two photos and then my camera broke which wasn't really the best of starts, especially as i've only had it a month and couldn't really afford that one never mind another. I wasn't going to let that bother me though as a great night was to be had s we headed to "Mushroom Mountain" for some of the fabled mushroom shakes, we managed to bump into Charlene and a friend on the way too which was pretty cool. I'd decided before i set off for traveling that if i was going to get the best experience then i definitely had to get involved and do things i wouldn't back home and if you're going to do full moon then you may as well do it properly so i got Becky to paint a visor on my face and it went down pretty well. She did a stellar job and after some initial eye watering and fear that everyone would run off while i sat with my eyes closed ofr 15 minutes i completely forgot about it. Everybody else got some on too as the night picked up pace and i had a couple of the shakes. Now anyone who tells you that these shakes are good are full of shit, they do nothing and are twice as expensive as anything else. I made a snap decision and realized buckets would be the way forward for the rest of the night as they'd served me well so far.
The party moved up the beach towards the many, many bucket stalls where the proprietors squat like chimpanzees, arms swaying, hooting and screaming for your attention as they each offer you the best deal. No negotiations are necessary as they fight it out between themselves. The evening took its first casualty as Charlene left to go to a 7 - eleven with the last words of "don't move from this spot", so we didn't for the best part of an hour and that was the last we ever saw of her. Thankfully she turned up safe and sound the next day which was of great relief. The next part of the night i spent mostly people watching as the buckets went down, it's always an enjoyable activity but was a bit annoying too. The majority of the guys there were just complete arseholes walking around as if they had a stick up their arse, thinking they're King Shit like Phil Brown and just waiting for someone to accidentally bump into them so they could start shit. I couldn't believe the overall aggressive nature when surely everyone just wants to have a good time but Phil summed up with "if you put a load of people anywhere and add alcohol then there's always going to be aggro". Too true. The low point for me came when in an attempt to prove there manliness or something two guys started a press up competition against each other while a gut 5 feet away was giving someone a wedgie. Their mothers probably didn't love them enough i bet. Just do some Tim Allenesque grunting like the rest of us please. Or how about them Bears?
Back home when on a night out I always end up wandering off by myself and much prefer too once we're in our "Final Destination" so thought that was exactly needed here. The many buckets kicked in, the Jesus Boots got flung and i went on too have some of the most enjoyable hours of my life. The tunes at the top (Underworld, Basement Jaxx) were much more my thing then trance at the bottom (no indie or electro here for me) so i headed back up towards there. Calvin Harris was in full swing and i was soon dancing with many randoms of all nationalities, high fives were doing the rounds (Stevie you'd have been in your element) and everyone was just having an amazing time. I made my way back towards cactus bar where most of' the crowd seemed to be and they'd erected these 20ft stands that fit about ten people on so of course i was soon climbing up on there. The site of seeing both sides of the beech and just every bouncing was truly brilliant and i can't see me seeing anything like that again, i must've been up there a hour and once again everyone was cool. I ended up skipping again with these to Spaniards who were handcuffed together by rope and in kids swimwear for some reason, random as it gets. From the view i had i couldn't help but think of the episode of Peep Show where the guy goes "he's taking it down......he's taking it down....he's taking it up, he's taking it up" but being there it actually was so good and i didn't think anybody was tossers at all for a change haha. The top went at this point and i headed back up to the top and joined some more randoms on a stage up there, i'm pretty sure we reenacted praise you at one point but it wouldn't be the first time that ones happened....next i ended up on the water where more randoms were scattered and decided i may as well swim out into the sea since there was one person out there, they were absolutely delighted on my arrival and after another "up top" i made my way along the shoreline. Somehow i managed to stumble across Becky, Mark and Phill and all i could reply with when they asked where i'd been was "pretty much having the best time ever" Mark and Phil looked nothing like how i left them as it looked like five buckets of paint had been poured on their faces. Amazing. The sun was coming up now and the sight of peope raving away in daylight was rather odd but it was quite funny watching some half dead people hanging on in there clearly thinking "keep going....you've gotta be the last one". Becky hadn't been a 100 percent for a few days and i knew the night had peaked for me so we left the rest and got back around sevenish. The rest soon followed and Mark coming in with an "alright mate" like he'd just been to the shops but looking like a clown was pretty fucking funny. So that was full moon, it might sound awful or just a few people getting drunk but again it's definitely one of those things you have to see for yourself.
We were awoken the next day to the sound of the rather nasty woman from the resort banging on our door, for some reason she was always arsey with us but it could just be her general demeanor. She wanted us out as we'd planned on leaving that day but coincidentally a more expensive room was available, we got up anyway and crashed at Becky's for a bit. It wasn't too long before she came banging again though, they must've thought we'd left our bill and done a runner so i'm sure they were happy to find us. Mark soon left for Sydney via Koh Samui while i was told it was too late for me to get a boat to the mainland so had to stay on another night. A storm had entered the region so the waves were bad and no sleep was had on the evening due to the banging on my bungalow. The last thing i wanted the next morning was a ferry ride followed by a long bus trip but i thought it could be the same tomorrow so may as well get it out of the way. Becky and Phill had to stay on another day while i made a hastey exit for the ferry.
Despite being one of the first to get there i was made to wait an hour carrying my awful backpack while hundreds went before me, only to eventually be let on at the end. This was pretty bloody vexing as i had to sit outside on top of the ferry with all the rough weather. I spent most of the next two hours with my head in my hands willing myself not to be sick and thankfully it worked. After another few hours wait i was soon on the night bus back to Bangkok, the journey was one of the better ones as i had nobody sitting next to me and more leg room then usual so at least i was just uncomfortable rather then in pain. Plus i've become obsessed with The Rolling Stones in the last week particularly, Angie, Wild Horses, Streets of Love and you can't always get what you want so they provided a good late night soundtrack. After a quick ten hours we got dropped off on Khao San Road and left to fend for ourselves. I couldn't find a reasonable guesthouse anywhere that wasn't full so had to fork out 500 baht for a place which was a record for me. I justified it though as it was basically two night so 250 baht was what it was and my thriftiness in accommodation was intact. Despite the rare pleasure of a hot shower and aircon the place was shite. I barely slept as they put me next to the loudest steps in human history with every step shaking through my room, i could hear drunkards singing and all manner of noise. I nearly cracked up at 6am when someone was whistling, bad times. Thankfully i'm back at the merry v now and at 150 baht my conscious is clear. I think the zig zagging about the country, full moon and just being "on" all the time has taking its toll though and tiredness has caught up. I'd love to go to Chang Mai so going to relax here for a few days and hopefully fit it in before i fly out o Australia in a weeks time. I've found a good bookstore and managed to trade a few so that should keep me occupied for a bit as well as having caught up with my journal and blog. I'm a lot more relaxed up here now then last time i was here, i think i was a bit too wired thinking i had to be meeting people every second of the day and always initiating conversation but it's not like that at all. In the five weeks i've met some rather cool people and made some good mates so it's all been worthwhile. I have been shocked at some travelers at how bigoted, miserable and arsey they can be but thats just the way it is everywhere really! Not everyone's out to have the best time it seems, ah well. Thats their problem i guess,....i do hope to see "the bitch" again mind haha.

 

 

 

A bit of Koh Phagnan

Tommy Cooper was known on  more than occasion to utter "Just Like That" and today i find myself doing the same with another nine days gone just....like.....that. The days really do seem shorter here but that cab\n only really mean i'm having a great time. I do wish I could write a bit more frequently as it seems nigh on impossible to recall everything that happens after a few days but i've just been having too much fun to sit down and talk about having so much fun.
As I remember it the first couple of days on Phagnan were a bit of a washout to say the least, it was a bit disappointing as i'd fancied a few days chilling out on the beach but the weather's been pretty lovely so far so I couldn't complain really. The "Holiday Beach Resort" which we were staying at had seemingly plenty of DVD's and a rather large projector screen so the evening's were always easy to fill and it also gave me a chance to catch up on my travel journal. I did manage to catch a few good films although on closer inspection the collection wasn't as expansive as first thought due to them being damaged or more likely stolen, in a week we managed to catch Quantam of Solace and 21 twice respectively as well as get through Narc, American Gangster, Rescue Dawn, 1408 and a few others so yeah, it clearly rained quite a bit. Narc was suitably bleak for my tastes and 21 was pretty enjoyable too.
Mark had went for a bit of a walkabout earlier on the day we got there, and informed me that some bars up the road looked quite promising. I needed to look for an ATM machine so thought i'd do my own traditional scout about and have a gander at the bars in the process. "Promising" soon turned out to be a phrase that set me up for disappointment as there was nothing the bars were just like Kata with their scores of Thai girls and Ladyboys standing outside hollering at you as you pass, if you manage to find yourself on the wrong side of the road to then you'll just get grabbed or find one of them suddenly linking in with you. Not as much fun as it sounds when by yourself looking for a cashpoint. The first of these bars was named the rather classy "Big Wills" (Others include "Fanny bar" which i pretty sure waas ironically full of Ladyboys.) in it contained a grotesquely obese man behind the bar who i assume was "Big Will", another obese man sitting with a petite Thai girl and finally another Thai girl propping up the bar. She must've have caught me walking past and then turned shouting "Come sit here" while pointing at the chair, I have to say i've never seen anyone so delighted to see me in my life. She then preceded to lift her legs up on the air, pretty much above her head in hoping that would sway me.....yeah i'm definitely not in South Shields now, you only see girls with their knickers out there if they're drunkenly "squatting" in a back lane haha. I manage to trek on passing numerous other bars and finally found an ATM about 20 minutes down the road, on my way back as i approached the corner that was full of what pretty much had to be prossies a black window tinted car approached me sidling along the curb. This definitely made me feel like I was in the wrong part of town so it was with some relief that a "normal" looking woman stepped out to go to a shop. I finally made it back unscathed, greeting Mark with a "Thanks for that", to be fair Kata is identical. During the day it looks like a family resort but it all changes when the sun goes down.
Wednesday was a pretty similar affair in the sense that the weather wasn't too hot for long periods so little was achieved outside a stroll down to the pier, I did manage to bang my head about four times on the way challanging the Krabi record in the process. On the evening we met a rather nice girl from Croydon named Becky and she soon became the latest member of the group, it quickly became apparent she was the unluckiest traveller possibly ever. Despite traveling roughly the same amount of time as myself she managed to catch E Coli, a parasite, various bites as well having the misfortune of previously traveling with a spoilt, stuck up condescending cow but none of this seemed to bother her too much and she could laugh about it which is always a good sign. The now three of us decided to check out the bar the hotel regulars frequented but it soon turned out to be another shitty Rasta/ Reggae bar, I don't recall if i've mentioned it but Thailand is full of these places. It seems like every single place you go to must have some reggae undertones, i personally don't see the connection between Thailand and Bob Marley but they sure love him here.
Talk soon turned to my experience of the bars the night prior and we decided we may as well go and brave them to satisfy our burgeoning curiosity if nothing else. The group dynamic and having Becky there certainly made it more appealing then going in by myself, we decided to try and visit each bar on the strip which initially sounded like an absolutely awful idea. It turns out that they couldn't have been any nicer or pleasant once we got inside; no hassling to buy them drinks, outside an arse pinch and a leg run no groping and they were just rather normal people. To be honest neither me or Mark got a look in with Becky getting all the attention. They loved her "white skin", looks, make up, everything and were very keen for tips as well as telling her not to get too tanned. Its quite ironic here that all the Thais want to be whiter, their creams, soaps, lotions all contain "whitening" and their magazine covers contain the whitest Thais you'll ever see. Meanwhile we're all obsessed with tanning and view that as looking healthy but they just want our skin, funny world. They also informed us that the reason they like western men isn't based on looks (there's a shocker for nobody) but because they're so tall and broad compared to short skinny Thai guys, so if your old and fat you can't really be blamed for coming here really. I have to admit while looking around the mall in Krabi i did feel rather odd, not only being the only "farang" there but i was about a foot taller then everyone else and really got the feeling everyone was staring at me. I guess it's a short glimpse into the life of a minority, nothing more than that obviously. I have to admit i did enjoy the feeling mind. We went to a few more bars and had a good laugh really, we decided to open our own named "The Clunge". On the way back home we went for a bit of food to find a young guy staring at us over his shoulder with  look of "oh shit, i've been rumbled" The reason was he was dining with two ladyboys, i say ladyboys but that would be an injustice to them, these were two blokes with plucked eyebrows in a dress really. He kept glancing over but still drunkingly sped off into the night with the men in tow.
Thursday finally brought blazing sunshine so most of the day was enjoyably spent cooking in the Sun, since i'm off to Sydney soon i thought it was about time i got my head stuck in Brysons "Down Under". I've not even stepped on the plane yet but the man's got me paranoid about stepping anywhere in Oz with all the talk of Jellyfish, Spiders, Snakes and everything else in between. The area we're staying on Koh phagnan is called Ban Thai and is about 11km from Had rin the home of full moon party, to which we were all on the island for; more of that one later. Anyhow we decided to go there for a night out and check the place out so we weren't going in blind for full moon. Becky had randomly bumped into a girl she'd spoke to online her before she left for here so Charlene became the newest member for the night and was again another great girl. It turned out to be a rather random but great night in the end, Becky was fire breathing and despite the fact I can't skip a rope i decided to do some skipping with a rope set on fire. I woke up with no hair on the left arm and smelling of burning so that tells you how well i did, Mark had the better tactic of getting in and out and that being the end of it. The sun was out on our return so that told me a great night was had as it literally seemed we been out 2 minutes but obviously the next days events were going to be lazing about and watching dvd's.

It soon became Saturday 31st and Halloween, this means nothing to me but obviously a lot to everyone else so we decided to venture out looking for a bar called Jumanjy we'd heard good things about that was putting on a party for it. During the day Mark mentioned one of his mates named Phill from traveling elsewhere was on his way to Ban Tai, literally mid sentence he appeared walking down the beach. It's quite amazing how much this occurs over here, it's a truly massive country but you're always bumping into people you've already met. Funnily enough it was around this time i realized i'd messaged Becky a few months back while planning my trip on travbuddy. I'd only messaged 4 people and met up with one and randomly seen the other 3 so it's a pretty massive coincidence, she'd hadn't bloody replied to my message mind haha. The two of us went for a walk and came across a stray dog with a litter of new born puppies barely days old, obviously everyone wanted to keep them but they looked healthy for now at least, they soon became the celebs of the island too. The four of us with Phil (once again sound guy) the latest addition headed to Jumanjy, after some initial mishaps (including our driver coming within an inch of sending us into a massive drop with no chance of the car getting out) we found it. To borrow a Mark term the place was rather "funky" and they'd made it look great, it was amazing to see peoples costumes too given that i doubt most backpackers carried one with them prepared. Either there was a shop on the island or a guy was carrying a six foot tampon around with him for months haha. But yeah, another great night out coupled with random photos and events. We rested the next day to get ready for Full Moon Party but that deserves its own blog, a rather surreal night indeed.....

Here and There

Somehow in my previous postings i neglected to mention my initial encounters with the girl whom became affectionately known only as "The Bitch". I'd seen her walking about Krabi Town and she immediately stood out from the crowd, not due to her incredibly pale completion, fair hair or hippy attire, all of which were eye catching in this climate but it was the fact she wore the most angry and aggressive face I've ever encountered that set her apart. A permanent scowl fixated and eyebrows constantly furrowed, a real treat. On the evening i went wandering looking for Mark i had a meal on the night market, if i'm ever by myself i tend to find my self sitting up with head set on swivel, not just so it makes me more approachable but i can see what's going on around me and if anyone's clearly looking for company. "The Bitch" walked past me and as per usual here was offered to sit down for food, she was a bit rude at first but after walking around elsewhere sat down on the table opposite me in my direction to look through the menu. I contemplated a "Hello" as i always at least acknowledge anybody by themself but something about her put me right off. Selecting from the menu is a relatively simple procedure here, the dishes are written in English and each dish has a corresponding number. You simply write the number down on a pad they give you and jobs done. Evidently this was too difficult a task for her and she preceded to talk to the Thai's like crap to hide her own misgivings. "EH", "I WANT THIS ONE" " DO.....YOU......UNDERSTAND ME?" " THIS ONE!?" "WHAAAT" "AH...YOU...WANT ME TO WRITE.....THIS....DOWN?" "ON THE PAPER YEAH?" Jesus christ, stupid and obnoxius much? Thankfully this wouldn't be the last time out paths crossed and she'd live up to her name again.
I should also mention another character i've met on my travels during Phi Phi but once again neglected to mention him and in doing so provided a great disservice to the man. His mane was Andre and he was a Russian....and he liked to get drunk, despite having the lowest tolerance for alcohol of any human on the planet. I first bumped into him as i was coming out of my room on the rock, i said the usual "Alright Mate?" and his reply was surprisingly along the lines of "when is everybody going out and getting facking drunk". Russians are always to the point. I informed him a few of us were going out and to the beach first for some drinks so he should come. Shortly after arriving he became visibly agitated at the lack of getting hammered so we suggested he get his own bucket, i went to the 7 eleven to get a cheap beer and could have only be gone a matter of fifteen minutes. My return was met with what can only really be described as a grope, that was a bit odd i thought. I could tell if he was gay or one of them drunks who like to hug and kiss everyone, surely he couldn't be that bad already? We spent the next five minutes trying to work out if he was hammered after just one bucket (a bucket with vodka and mixer) or just insane, he was probably a combination of both really. Even Ledley could handle his drink better than Andre and he's clearly allergic to alcohol. He then went on a weird rant/ conversation with himself and funnily enough has a lot of anger towards people from Sunderland of all places. "Why do they talk like this? they're so stupid?" Obviously i agreed and thankfully he didn't take it too bad when i informed him i was from fifteen minutes from there and had a very common dialect.
We then went onto the Irish bar to see Claire's DJ set and it was only about a five minute walk, during this time Andre managed to by and consume about twelve red bulls all while bouncing off every stall, shop, person and bar. He managed to keep it together for a brief moment in the bar before unleashing the most disturbing dance move in history. It didn't have a name but was a strange combo of "stirring the pot" while simultaneously doing hardcore porno grinding, it was horrific but genius. I had an early night and when i saw him the next day he had that look in his eyes of " i have no idea what i did last night and i'm in pain", i've had that one a lot too, not just after one bucket mind. It didn't deter him though as he was on it again that night, a group of us were at one of the beach bars when suddenly someone ran up and hoisted me up (no mean feat) I turned to find it was Andre looking what like can only be referred to as a neon pussycat. He had facepaint in the style of whiskers a button nose and various other characteristics a man should never bare. He then ran off to the beach chasing someone and that was the last i saw of him, i'm sure he'll bring chaos wherever he goes.
Back onto the travel front i checked out of my guest house in Krabi on the Friday, i went to a internet cafe to check for hostels on Railay as well as see my favourite warcrafters of course when i bumped into Mark again. He was going to Railay and Koh Phagnan too so it seemed stupid of me to be going a day ahead all the time and it would be cheaper too together so i decided to stay in Krabi another night and head off the next day.
I thought i'd been to both the night markets but discovered on the evening i'd managed to miss the main one so the extra night was worthwhile although a certain eye opener into other cultures. The market was your pretty usual affair, stalls of food, drink, candy floss, cheap knock off clothing, fair style games for prizes like toys, teddies and beer for the dads. However they were two stalls that set this apart from any market in Westoe or any other one in England for that matter. The first was an awful "pet shop" selling rabbits, squirrels, dogs, puppies and various other animals. The cages were so small that all the animals were too cramped to move, they're water supply was depleted and i'd be shocked if any of them actually got a proper feeding. It was on the whole awful but the most disturbing image was that of the old female shop owner casually rummaging through the overcrowded rabbits, picking up the dead ones and tossing them into a black bin liner. No discretion here and a rather tragic sight to see, thank god Holly wasn't here to see it at least i thought.
The second stall is probably best referred to as  "The Weapons Section". Crossbows, machetes, swords, bb guns, a randomly and amusingly placed baseball bat and various sprays were the name of the game here. The knives were very comprehensive but it was the can of the brilliantly titled "Hell Spray" that stood out for me. The stall certainly made you think twice about getting in any arguments i'll say that.
One of the images you're given here is that literally everything is up for negotiation, food, hotels taxi's....everything. Obviously there are always exceptions and we came across one of these while trying to get the longboat from Krabi to Railay. We were initially quoted 150 baht so obviously tried to get this down a bit on principal if nothing else. All i'll say is that whoever wrote in the Lonely Planet guidebook that Thai's will do anything to avoid confrontation and would rather walk away and save face is full of shit, they love an argument like anyone else. They refused to budge on the price and when Mark merely commented that it would be cheaper for us to jump on the bus and then get a longboat from elsewhere, one of them responded by angrily telling us to basically piss off and go there and get off his pier. Yeah, very laid back the Thais, clearly a union thing going on here was my thought. As we walked off a more reasonable member of the clan informed us that it was a set price by the Thai King and they could get locked up for charging lower or higher. Obviously this was a stretch at best but since everyone else was paying 150 or more we caved as long as the isiot got none of our cash.

The trip to Railay was rather uneventful until we pulled up to what can only be described as a muddy, dirty swamp of a beach known as east Railay. I just hoped the people who referred to Railay west as the nicer of the two where not understating this. The boat actually pulled up about 25 metres from the shore, so knee deep in water i had to negotiate may way to land with a ridiculously over sized backpack on, a bag round my neck and each step leaving my leg past ankle deep submerged in swampy sand. Any misjudgment or sway would result in nothing but bad times but thankfully i made it ashore safe. We found a cheap place to stop, dumped our nags and managed to bump into Claire of all people. We also discovered "The Bitch" was staying here. She greeted me with a "I KNOW YOU, I'VE SEEN YOU EVERYWHERE" i responded with "yeah at the night market" then she just marched off. Strange girl.
Thankfully Railay west wasn't  disappointing and was clearly much much nicer than its ugly sibling. We didn't get there till mid afternoon but the weather was till beautiful so i soaked up what i could and managed to witness an ethereal sunset to say the least. I can't say if the beach was a nice as Phi Phi but it was less crowded coupled with the fact that the tide was in during the day gave it some advantages. After hitting the beach we went back for food and surprisingly found the bitch in the "chillout area" conversing with another girl. Surely this girls never been chilled in her life? However the conversation didn't last five minutes as the girl exited only to return with a book to bury herself into, clearly the bitch didn't disappoint again. The bitch then stormed through our eating area with a face of thunder and started shouting at the staff. "WHAT'S THIS?" "I HAD TO PAY EXTRA?" YOU MUST TELL ME IN FUTURE" "OK WELL YOU'VE GOT TO TELL ME FROM NOW ON" "TELL ME OK?!" Any idiot can tell that some dishes come with rice and others you need to order seperate but this was missed on our girl. Clearly paying for the privilege at an extra fifty pence greatly upset her, she's obviously got a lot of issues when it comes to menus. Despite her horrid nature i actually found her quite interesting; if for nothing more than how can such a person be travelling by them self? Maybe she was in a group but got shunned leaving her bitter and agressive.....or maybe she's just a cow.

The next day was spent at a beach i can't recall the name of but it was again beautiful, half it was privately owned by a resort who's villas were priced at a rather nice 30,000baht a night. I'll stay with my 150 dumps thank you. The rest of the untouched beach was free to roam and was one of the nicest i've witnessed so far, the only slight was that they had kids constantly hassling you for drinks to keep that trend up. Haggling with what is basically child labor never sits well either. We stayed there all day and managed to witned the best sunset i've seen yet, the photos never do it justice.

Watched the United Liverpool game which greatly annoyed me. I have various grievances but Michael Carrick is possibly the most overrated player in history. He doesn't shoot never mind score, can't  pass forward, bottles tackles, never has his head up and doesn't break up play. What is his point? I feel another rant coming on.
We left Railay on the Monday to head back to Krabi and book a night bus and ferry to Koh Pahngan. The journey was fine although it baffled me how we got to suratthani in two hours but the journey from there to Phuket seemed to take about six previously. The ferry left at 11pm and despite not being able to stand fully in it, that was ok too. I managed to get a bit kip and arrived at Koh Phangan at 6am. As per usual we were greeted at the pier by the mass of charlatans trying to rip you off or take you to a hotel they get kick backs from, we managed to knock over half the price of a taxi off but still managed to feel robbed which is always terribly vexing. On arrival our accommodation was closed and we had a three hour wait till reception opened but this was expected. Thankfully they had a lounge area to kip in but we were soon disturbed by the loudest storm in history. I've seen heavy rain but the thunder literally felt and sounded like the sky being nuked. It's drizzled pretty much all day but the accommodation is nice and we got a good deal i think so all is still good. Six days and then it's fill moon madness.....

You don't get this in Dear Old Blighty

Krabi town isn't too bad at all really; i'd have to say i could stay here for until Full Moon party easily if they had a beach but they don't so it's a mute point and onwards to Railay in a few days next. No rock climbing for me though, i know my limits when it comes to upper body strength.
Wednesday i managed to get up at quite a reasonable time for a recent change (well compared to Phi Phi, I was doing pretty great prior) and went for the usual wander. I'd not emailed home for over a week, blogged or put any photos up yet so I stopped by an internet cafe as i thought it was about time to rectify that. All i can is that judging from its proprietors, Matt Stone and Trey Parker are the most prominent social commentators of our time, they at least have the world of warcraft brigade down if nothing else. I initially thought it was just one guy working there so was releaved to find out it was actually two identical people splitting the long days and only came to this conclusion when i saw them together. They're both grossly overweight, have terrible skin, completely immobile, lethargic, sweaty and carbon copies of the guy depicted in the South Park warcraft episode, apart from that thoroughly nice chaps i must say. I can only tell them apart by the fact one of them offers you a banana on leaving. All they do for what must be at least 16 hour shifts is play warcraft constantly and record the time someone enters and then leaves. They clearly must be living their dream jobs though so fair play and i've just realized the hypocrisy of saying this coming from a man who's probably spent literally years of his life on Football Manager since 92. I've not even missed Football Manager actually, now that is high praise for this traveling lark i must say.

Anyhow i was in the cafe for a bit when i heard someone say "Alright Mate" in a slight Mancunian twang, turned about to be Mark from Phi Phi which was good to see and he was fresh off the boat with backpack and on the look out for the guest house i personally couldn't find (not that i looked). We managed to find it soon enough and as he went to sort his stuff out i went to get a bite to eat. I could've only walked five metres when i stumbled across a parade that turned out to be the Vegetarian festival, i'd read about this as it wasn't a parade of fruit and veg but just people sticking bars and the like through their faces. Yeah, i didn't catch the link either. The ages of the participants were shockingly varying and both genders took part, the only real constant was that everyone was dressed in white. The first bit of insanity was a guy lit about 2 metres worth of powerful firecrackers under the feet of two Thais who were carrying what i assumed to be some kind of Buddhist thing. They then preceded to do a combination of jumping in fear, dancing and feigning a fit as the firecrackers went off under their feet. This was actually incredibly tame for what was to come next. Streams and streams of people lined the street with various objects impaled through their faces. I saw swords, knives, bars, chains and even a guy with a gun through his face. What also appeared from the distance to look like someone cleaning their teeth was actually them just sticking a razor blade inside and attacking the gums and tongue, sending blood all over himself. England this was not. I went for dinner and returned to sit with Mark and a girl who was traveling  too. The three of us sat stupified as the parade got more extreme and torsos more crimson blood ridden. The most disturbing ones were probably just those storming up the street eyes wide and shaking their head in some form of trance, madness. Between the threes of us not even a suggestion could be raised to link vegetarianism to self mutilation so if anyone does know then please e mail me.

 

 

We went to the Night Market on the evening and i must say i've missed street stall food, it's clearly the way to go. So much cheaper, tastier and well; that all that matters round here. I intended to go to Railay on Thursday but going to stick around here a bit longer, it's so cheap, i've found a really nice hostel and there's no rush to get anywhere really. Thursday I went exploring all day and must've covered some ground, I found a really nice Temple and it was a beautiful day so walking with George Carlin and The Beatles on the iPod, cooking in the sun is a fine way to spend anyday. I especially agree with Carlin on the people who run the country, the major corporations and employers etc. These days they don't want people who are critically thinking, well educated and informed showing initiative but people who are "hard working" as they say. This to them means keep your mouth shut, be smart enough to fill a shelf or work a machine, but dumb enough to passively  accept lower rates of pay, more unsociable hours, no overtime and then they'll come after pensions and stuff like inheritance tax which is a disgrace already. Tax on money already taxed. Ah another rant over then. I think i'll stay here one or two more days then move on to Railay then come back via here to get the bus to Phagnan for full moon festivities. I must also add as a footnote i saw a huge fat man walking down the sreet bollock naked yesterday in an incredibly casual manner, the Thais were shocked by this so it's not a culture thing but he didn't "look" crazy. Obviously he had to be though? He did have a rugby player build so was maybe just after his socially acceptable homoeroticism fix but got lost from the group.

Phi Phi, The Rock, The Beach, Jesus Boots, Alan Carr and Tatoos(nearly)

Well i have zero clue why i said it was pretty good staying at On On hostel from the Beach, it's clearly not as bad as depicted then but oh god it was a right hole. Every step anywhere in the building reverberated throughout and all i could hear for hours on end was the terrorizing sound of somebody playing table tennis but not being able to locate where it came from.  The walls were so thin too that i could hear some bloke clearly in pain next door, nobodies body is meant to be that audible is all i can say. Or make anything like the noises he did, thank god i never bumped into him....Anyhow I ended up having to travel to Patong again on the bus to pick a  camera up as i'd put it off for so long but i really needed to get one before Phi Phi. It wasn't too much of a bother and at least gave me the chance to take some photos that I couldn't while there prior. It was a canny nice day out to say the least, so a trip out wasn't too bad for 50 baht.
I think i spent the evening wandering the streets again looking for anywhere with more than 2 people inside. This is a much harder task then you'd think with all the bars and what not but it takes some work. Thankfully  after four days of looking i managed to come across a bar with 5 people in it.......playing Dancing in the Dark. I clearly knew this would be the place for me so stayed in there all night and attempted to craic on with some Russians with little success, they really are a harsh race. Those winter months must really give them that volatility that they just love to show everybody.  Everyone was sitting with Laptops out though, an all to common sight over here in the bars. Losers.
The bus came to pick me up at around 7am so didn't really manage to get much sleep the night before; my hatred of mornings and the bloke next door being in pain of a help either. I can't stress enough how load or how  anybodies bodily functions be just quite so audible........The ferry trip was rather quick and it was a rather stunning day to boot so my 100 percent none travel sickness rate on this trip has now extended to boats as well, just need to tick the trains off the list  next and then i'll be a normal person i think. This is the longest my Stomach has actually held up since it got ripped, including nights out. Good times.  Coming into any port, major street or town is a daunting task here as you just get harassed from all corners, so on arrival to Phi Phi i just kept the blinkers on and then headed straight for "The Rock". It was pretty quiet there so just headed straight to the amazing beach and finished off In Cold Blood. Perry Smith's rather blunt confession in it did manage to freak me out about my own mortality just a bit too much so i decided to get straight onto my usual routine of trying to check out every bar and place in town and see where everyone goes. I met a few people and managed to pick up a stalker for the rest of the week at this time too, my bag was doing my head in so i decided to head back to the rock and soon became very glad i did. There was now about 12 people there and got invited for the first of many drinks and the famed "buckets", i'd spent four days looking for a hostel where everyone hung out together so was pretty relieved to say the least. We spent most of the night at the rock with the old ipod dj on the go and then headed to tiger bar for the free buckets,  and then to the masses at the beach with the same 5 songs being blasted on  repeat, which soon all became another traditions. The next day was pretty much a similar affair, spending it at the beach and then at night the "Rock crew" seemed to expand at an exponential rate ,so it was impossible to keep track of who the hell everyone was. However after staying up to seven in the morning i think we managed to upset just about everybody in the dorm and a mass exodus followed the next day, thankfully i was in a single "room" so didn't have to deal with the various shenanigans.
I'd have probably spent the rest of the next day in bed but thankfully Mark woke me up banging on my door  and then Four of us went out on the long boat  for a bit of snorkeling and touring on a long boat which was a very overdue activity for myself. i'd really not done anything in comparison to others as for as "activities" go so it was a prettay good idea. We went to some good spots for a bit of a dive and snorkeling, as well as visiting the "perfect beach", monkey island (self explanatory) and vikings cave (I think they're sea gypsies in a cave or something). You can only really appreciate the place if you go there as it's all just so untouched, i doubt it'll be like that for much longer though. A grand day all and all, i'd have to say; i even managed to make a stealthy exit on the night to avoid buckets and thought it was about time i FINALLY called home. At this point i wrote in my journal i was planning on taking it easy for the next few nights.............Mega fail.
Friday was a day spent cooking at the beach till about 6 o clock and was pretty bloody good too, met a few more people who apparently where well aware of "The Rock people", it seemed we cultivated quite a reputation already. The night that followed pretty much did nothing but add to that to be honest, i'd imagine many buckets where had, we probably had chicken at the stop off and i'd imagine the immigration police where in again as the night came to a quick halt at 2 am. Obviously this wouldn't do so we decided to go on the hunt for another bar and the night descended into something straight out of Uni days in Newcastle. We managed to make our way to the other side of the village and then Joe somehow ended up playing a bit of guitar in a Tattoo parlour. We then found one of the oversized trolley and the events that followed where straight out of the post bulletproof at Northumbria play book. Mike ended up in the trolley, with the rest of us pushing him back to the other side of the village, much like back home where somebody would end up in a trolley getting pushed from the student union to the quayside, at that point someone would raise the idea of going for a trek, this usually meant walking 12 miles from Newcastle to South Shields so was always easily dismissed and blueline taxis would be called. Not the case here i'm afraid. We somehow thought it would be good to take the very strenuous, steep, pitch black trek to the viewpoint.....while drunk.....in barely a level of fitness to do it sober (except Joe being a RAF man, thats why i blamed it on him the next day)......oh and we were specifically going looking for monkeys. Terrible. After what seemed like forever of climbing incredibly steep small steps (which at one point had me using my hands as feet too since only about  one 12th of my feet where on the steps and i didn't have or phone or lighter to use as a mimic for a torch therefore i couldn't see Luke despite the fact he was only a foot in front of me, i definitely got "the fear") we decided to give up and go back home. Thank god. Those monkeys must've clearly heard us as the next day a group appeared next to everyone's bungalows clearly planning an ambush.
Hangovers were again slept off and the nights  activities were all booked around the football. It's also worth mentioning that by this time i'd picked two nicknames to add to the many already : "Alan Carr" and "Jesus Boots". The former because apparently we shame the same glasses (you could've probably thrown teeth in their too when i was 12...thank god my head grew to catch up with those goofy things) and the latter due to the fact i where rather offensive to some nike sandals rather then those Brazil flip flops. Well kids i don't do croc shoes, flip flops or anything else and they certainly don't do them in my size so you'll just have to learn to love the Jesus Boots. Anyhow, United won, Sunderland Won, Liverpool lost and as did Chelsea so a big night was clearly going to be on the horizon. I didn't quite realize how big mind......
We'd been discussing how easy it was to wake up with a tat here as there's countless parlors n a very dense area so on the way home drunk it can be very easy to stroll into one. Well that's just what happened to us on this night, Luke was already getting ready for his with cries of "Lancashire mate.......red rose" and "Friends prices, we're mates Bier so friend prices", there was also a crazy old Swedish guy dancing about for some reason with a "sex instructor" t shirt on....clearly in Thailand for the culture then......In no time i found myself in sat down, Tattoo picked out and t shirt rolled up ready to get to work, obviously since it was my frisrt one i went for a "sleeve" from my shoulder to my elbow, as you do. Thankfully it would have took about 20 hours and 30'000 baht. I had neither of these so i said i come back tomorrow like, i never did obviously.
Me, Mike and Luke where meant to be leaving the next day but that was a fail, i bumped into them later and Luke was in quite a bit pain from the tattoo and the booze and it was agreed we should definitely leave the next day as the money goes too quick here. Well they managed it but after another night out i decided i'd hide for a day and then leave on Tuesday. At least i got some good photos from the night out though so there was that at least. I did manage to leave my camera in the chicken place but thank god the Thais are an honest bunch as they kept it for me, they clearly enjoyed my "meat cleaver" antics. So yeah i bought me tickets for the ferry, said goodbye to Joe Matt, Mark, Amanda and everyone else left on the Island and moved to Krabi on the Tuesday. Initially i've dismissed it as Phuket like but there's much more going on here and a lot more to do. Think i'll stay for a few days then onto Railay.

One thing about Thailand though is although they want to increase Tourism they seem to love to have things to defer it. In Bangkok you have the hassling Tuk Tuks, Taxis, Suits, guesthouses and even people telling you off for not walking with purpose or a clear destination in mind. They must always plan specific routes here rather then sample the joys of wandering or "looking about" In Kata and Patong you have thai women(probably men too) hanging on the bars calling you in like your a sex pest, Berlusconi's defense against accusations of sleeping with escorts comes to mind a lot here "I'd never understand why a man would pay, it's the pursuit that the thrill" or at least let people show SOME value. Phi Phi's deterrent came in the form of bicycles and the flyer staff. It was lke running the gauntlet every night against the flyer people and despite the fact you avoid them and never take any.....you always wake up with millions in your pockets. As for their bikes? Baffling why you'd want one when its a 5 minute walk across the village and there's plenty of pedestrian traffic about. Not to mention you can only ride them painfully slow and the slight screams of "beep beep" don't really help anyone, i 'd have loved to give wanna them a clothesline from hell like, maybe the ones with about 4 people would've been the best haha. The massage places are more funny then annoying, anyone who's had a "maasssaaaaaaaaaage" or "handsome man" cry surely had to at least crack a smile.. I do love a rant.

Reading this post probably seems we just got drunk for a week, swam and sat on the Beach. Yes but what a place to do all three and i defy anyone to resist doing the same themselves, unless you're a Mormon or something.. Krabi, Veggie fest and self mutilation coming up next time (them not me).

 

 

 

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Patong, Kata and the beginnings of Phuket Town

Patong proved to be just as i expected so only spent one night there. I can see why people love it but it's just a "lads holiday" place really and a victim of glottalization and mass tourism that seems to be creeping through here. The sights of McDonalds, KFC's, English bars and their bigg marketesque inhabitants aren't really what i wanted to see while traveling so just moved on.
Patong did however bring one great experience in the supermarket of all places. We were casually walking about while Hol got excited at the sight of various boxes and cartoon animals (you know you were haha) when a song started playing. All of a sudden the whole staff formed two long lines and preceded to do a dance routine that Steps and Bucks Fizz would've been proud of in their pomp. It was even better that the Thais just went on as usual while everyone else stopped to see what the hell was going on. I'll give Asda 6 months before they start doing it.....On the evening we sat and watched the insanity that is Bruno (hoping nobody would enter the common room during the especially insane bits) and that was it for patong. I saw Holly off onto the bus the next morning and then headed to the beaches of Kata myself.
After some initial difficulty finding it i stopped on the beach all day and it was just incredible. Lonely planet came up trumps once again for my accommodation at the lucky guesthouse and everyone is really nice. On the evenings it is a bit dead though.  I'd not eaten all day so decided to go for a few beers, a meal and see if there was anyone about. There's loads of bars but not many people so it's they're all empty making it hard to stop somewhere. Those that have a few are full of thai girls hollering at you across the street, always flattering but they're clearly on the prowl for their English sugar daddy haha. I soon realized to that i'm the only English person in Kata too, it's a massive Scandinavian resort which doesn't make it any easier and since the weather is poor ( I went from cooking in the sun to hiding in a bar for 3 hours from rain in 5 minutes) at the moment i decided to move on to Phuket town.
This started badly as i realized i left my phone in my room half way there, thankfully after minor panic the driver took me back and it was still there. I shan't be doing that again.....(i know it will like).
I've just had a look around here and theres loads of backpackers of various nationality and met some people already. This is much more better, i was enjoying sitting on the beach hammering through Capote's in cold Blood (great book) but the nights were just a bid too quiet and full of nutcase thai bargirls. I think ill buy a camera tomorrow and then go onto visit a national park and see what happens. I'm also staying in the hostel off the beach which is pretty bloody good as well.

Buses and Nepalese enemies.

Well we made it to Phuket eventually (Patong specifically) after what was not really the nicest of journey's really. We thought it would be quite alright to take the train down but quickly found that the line didn't actually run all down south, so that one went straight out of the window. Then we looked into flights which at 55 quid and one and half hours was not bad at all, this seemed like a cop out though. Not just cause 55 quid goes far here but it almost felt like cheating. Thus we decided it was best to go like proper hardcore travellers and get the cheap 18 hour night bus all the way to Phuket....... probably safe to say it wasn't the most enjoyable experience of all time but glad i did it.

It started off nearly disastrously when the rep didn't even look at our receipt and took us to completely the wrong bus area, thankfully after much confusion (and me getting visably angry(thank god Holly' laid a calming influence aha)) we managed to get onto the right bus with time to spare. What followed was about 11 hours of me trying to move into a comfortable position while knowing it was never ever going to happen and having to handle the seat in front being reclined within an inch of me face. It really is shite being 6ft3 on any long haul transport haha. After that and a one hour stop over we braved what can only be described as a ww2 like army barracks motor to another tourist depot and 11 of us crammed into a minibus fit for about 8 kids. I spent this part of the journey shaped like a pretzel and probably annoying Holl with my "Head Drops". Needless to say i went a bit delirious with the tiredness, crampness and everything else so i have no memory of the next 6 hours really. We got dropped off at Patong and i can tell it's not for me already. It's just like a typical Spanish resort plus some heavily westernized shopping areas which isn't exactly why i went travelling. Plus the sight of sleazy Brits with shit eating grins and thai brides is enough to repulse anyone. Thankfully there's tons of lovely beaches in a short area so going to move onto one of them tomorrow, hopefully the weather will change in the meantime! Plus i'll get some Capote reading done and lighten the bag.

Also i'll have to mention the little git i met on Khao San road, anyone who's been there knows of the "frog ladies" and you want suit? brigade. While i was waiting for Holly, i must've passed this one guy about 4 times and each time he asked if i want suit and hotel? He couldn't grasp the concept of looking about or waiting for someone so he kept pushing ti all the time. Apparently i must really need a suit for backpacking? Anyhow i was walking down the road 2 nights later and heard someone shouting "HEY MR YOU'RE A LIAR...YOU LIE BLAH BLAH" and it was the same little shit trying to grab my arm. It would seem "i don't want a hotel or suit" means "i'm leaving today" where he comes from so we argued for a bit till he started saying well "i must be the liar mr" and i just pissed off before i bought a frog and threw it off his head. I did love the fact it took me a whole 5 days to make an enemy haha, thankfully some other shop pusher took a shine to my bag and striking glasses and we had a good little craic on so balance was restored.

I have no idea where i'll end it up tomorrow but thats a good thing. Holly's off to see the gibbons so we'll be going our separate ways after a rather brilliant week but we both want to go off and do our own things, meet new people and have a varied time. She will be a miss mind but I'm staying in my first "dorm" tonight and everyone seems cool there too and that's what it's all about.

I really need to get a new camera mind.